Top rack and to the back—porn mags, and there’s only one way to view them, right there in the fucking store! A quick tip for the thrifty reader: go to stores where there’s only a single, female clerk working. She’ll never muster up the courage to tell you to put down that copy of Ass Riders, even after 45mins of crotch-adjusting, occasional squatting and a whole lot of vulgar, manly noises. And don’t worry about ripping through the plastic wrap, it’s only there to prevent kids from getting at it.

So I’m at my neighborhood shop checking out fresh skin mags when the words bomb, porn and playstation hit my eyes. What’s this? Why it’s the front cover to the premiere edition of Radar Magazine, with Paris Hilton being groped by a chopped Bush Jr. Not really a porn mag, but why do I already seem familiar with this publication!?

Above: Radar Magazine features some kickass ads.

So I rip it open to find that none other than link partner Danny Rado penned the cover story! Holy shit, and I thought he was just one of the dads of Huckapoo. Anyway, at half the price of a copy of WIRED, well, I just tossed it into my bag and walked out of the store like I owned the place. You charge me $1.20 for an Oh Henry, and I’ll be needing something to read while I’m shitting it out!

Then I’m reading an article on my way home when I stumble across words like ‘pantina‘ and, um, “emerged.” Right. So my ADD kicks in and at this point I’m basically just flipping through looking for racy pics.

The best porn in the mag comes just three pages deep. There’s a spread of a naked, foxy looking cheer-bitch, sporting a tight bum that’s half submerged in some sort of cave water. She’s giving a look like she just had the best anal sex in town. But obviously not from the guy standing opposite. The dude has the build of a 10-year old boy!

Well..to come to think about it, they both kind of look like 10 year old boys! Uhhh uh-oh.

Ok, so that was actually an ad for Calvin Klein. But I assure you the real editorial content is witty, interesting and full of memorable quotes that I’m sure to rip-off and use right here on my blog. Basically, I give Radar Magazine a 7/10 for jerkable material. It features all the hot celebs you’ve come to expect, but not so much hand-thrusting content that would make you totally ignore the great articles, confusing flow-charts and distracting asides.

Being the premiere edition, I decided to let my production team create a video preview for this special occasion. Check out the viddy below.

• Click to view: Video Preview
• Click to Visit: Radar Magazine official website