The other night I watched the new Jet Li movie, Unleashed, and found it to be a rather mish-mash of sappy moments and hard violence strung together by a French filmmaker’s hopeless attempt to recreate some of Jet Li’s past magic. Hey fuckers, it doesn’t matter how many rappers you cast in this film, you’ll never get another Fist of Legend.

Ok, well actually, aside from Morgan Freeman there weren’t any homies in this one. I guess DMX and JaRule were too busy with their schedules. Right. One cast member that did catch my eye, Kerry Condon, plays the female lead in this film. After watching Temptation Island UK, there’s something about blonde Irish girls that I find intensely exciting. It certainly doesn’t hurt that whoever wrote this flick virtually stole the teen-model handbook for character creation. For instance, Kerry Condon is cast as a school girl just ten days shy of her 18th birthday. They also have her wear some serious metal gear solid–her fuckin braces rival that of Teen Topanga’s! And to top it off they play her as a dimwit, motor-mouth brat who’s ready to fall in love with whatever 40-something, mute, homeless bum her blind father brings home. Somebody toss this girl a modeling contract! Fraggy?

Above: Kerry Condon

Anyhow, by the time this movie apparently ended, I was making my fifth, no less, beer-piss trip to the washrooms, but by the chatter of the exiting moviegoers I realized that most people actually enjoyed this film!

Well, whatever. I got what I wanted.. this fucking blog post!

Kerry Condon is set to appear on HBO’s new drama, Rome. With any luck she’ll be cast as Caligula’s sister. Or some savage street whore. To fill in the wait, here’s some Kerry Condon screen caps I found from the movie Unleashed, and a saucy video clip as well.

• Click to See Kerry Condon and Jet Li eating icecream video