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Was it just me, or did 2004 suckass for Hollywood films? Aside from the hilarious Team America and the sensational Napoleon Dynamite, two films which seem to be more hated and misunderstood than appreciated, there wasn’t a whole lot to get excited about. Movies such as Ray, The Aviator, and The Aquatic Life completely failed to get me fired up. Then the other day I ran across the film Closer, an adaptation of the much heralded play by the same name. I’d like to note that I wouldn’t call this blog post a movie review, per say, more like some passive remarks for a film that I watched while stoned out of my lid.

The flick stars Clive Owen, Natalie Portman, Julia Roberts and Jude Law in a story about lying, cheating and fucking. It’s no wonder that lots of people don’t like or didn’t go to see this film; it’s a rough, contemporary look at realistic relationships involving: fucking around, getting caught, revenge-fucking, and living dirty with shit loads of guilt. Surely this is not your ideal date movie!

So what’s there to like about this gritty drama? Well for once, Julia Roberts shuts her gigantic mouth long enough to let the other stars get some acting in. Clive Owen and Jude Law are perverted, cunning, and superb, while Natalie Portman looks absolutely gorgeous. Time has clearly not hurt her at all; which inevitably brings me to the sweet nugget of the film: Natalie Portman’s amazing ass.

There’s a scene or two in the movie where Natalie’s busy stripping at an upscale nightclub. Wearing nothing more than a thong and skimpy top, you get more than just a glimpse of her flawless goods. Although there’s no actual nudity, I’ve never seen her so exposed, for so long. She might be a notch below in talent from her seasoned costars, but for taking on that raunchy strip scene I’m sure she became the envy of the entire cast and crew!

I can’t wait to watch this film again, sober. Check out the gallery of nasties below.