Rapid Teen Models 18+

If there ever was a feng shui to softcore pornography, legendary ass-mechanic Phil-Flash has definitely mastered the art of capturing delicious dumpers, at just the right angles. The work of Phil-Flash cannot be mistaken. Take for instance his classic rearview photography: jacked up heels, ass pushed back, hands spread out on the wall. It is this recognizable style that propelled such names as Tiffany Teen and Nikki-Next-Door to the top 5 teen solo models of the world.

But what makes Phil Flash so interesting is not his fantastic use of ass-trology, his cunning

knowledge of ass-matics, or being a bald-headed pervert from the dirty South. No. It’s his surprising rise from an unemployed, small-town hick to the CEO of a champion stable with enough thoroughbred talents to please at least 6 decent websites.

His sudden breakthrough came when he happened across a then, 18-year old Tiffany Teen. He didn’t know about websites. He didn’t know about the adult scene. He hadn’t even shot any commercial content. But as Phil-Flash recalls, when you have a drop-dead gorgeous blonde on your living room floor wearing tiny panties covered in little puppy prints, you’re not going to explain why you keep adjusting your pants, or keep visiting in the washroom every 5 minutes, or use a Kodak disposable to take your shots. When you’re shooting solid gold there’s a feeling that great history is being made, and all you gotta do is point, click, and keep her back arched with the ass way-the-fuck out!

Despite his amateurism and lack of experience, the scene was to love his work and take notice of his unique style. Before long, he had a stable full of girls and the confidence to keep the hits coming.

Fast-forward to the present..

You might have heard of Brandy’s Box, but then again, you likely haven’t. Some people naively assume that they can handle it all: a solo effort at photography, web design, promotion and everything else that is needed to run a successful website. But it’s highly unrealistic in this day and age to run a one-person managed teen site. So after a while on her own, Brandy rightly chose to look for someone with the skills and track record to take her box to the next level. And with great applause she’s now joined the Phil Flash All-Stars, which should do wonders for her image and shift some of the attention on her ‘box’ to her tight rear gear.

Don’t miss out on the hilarious spanking video on her main page!

Above: Booze-fed Sweet Juliet ends this photo set drunk, belligerent and 100% French-Canadian.

Dugmor will perhaps go down with the great authors and poets of our time. He delivers his stories through the lens of his Canon Rebel. Each shot is a glimpse at youthful vibrancy framed with the unmistakable pain, confusion and heart-break of his subjects’ lives. It is this blend of eroticism and reality that drives the success of his business.

Sweet Juliet is from Quebec, a province known for its tasty food and loud, annoying populace. Being a part of Canada , where it routinely snows year-round, offers just the kind of harsh environment that can produce an abundance of work-seeking girls, who want nothing more than to get stripped down and rapidly photographed in a hotel room full of aggressive, tattoo-covered French men.

Meager lodging and a couple bowls of poutine is all some people will ever wish for. Sweet Juliet is a beautiful girl in an odd situation. Her luck to work with the industry’s best is certainly an omen to what may lay ahead. I’d like to thank Dugmor and the whole Join Right Now crew for this exclusive heads up.

Although you’re probably not dyslexic (?uoy era ro) you may of noticed my site going all Picasso the other day. I had some broken code on the index which screwed up the layout for Internet Explorer users. My carelessness and/or ADD (loud and proud baby!) left me completely oblivious to this problem. I now exclusively use the superior Firefox browser, and I hope all you guys that haven’t will make the switch as well. So with that, on to our cool feature:

If you’re looking for some serious eye cocaine, the Ivana Fukalot site can provide your daily fix for soft and hardcore teen action. There’s a great variety of content all shot in a semi-pro, but not shitty, around the house style of photography.

I like some of the scenarios featured on her site, such as a game of table tennis that results in nakedness and lesbian groping— seems plausible. I also like the encouragement for visitors to boss around their girls on live sex chat. There’s nothing quite as empowering, or manly, as some old fashion verbal harassment!

Which totally reminds me of the early days of webcam sex chat when I witnessed a team of hecklers bring a 20-something, slavic blonde to full-on tears. The whole chat room of about 30 people went quiet in shock. I remember there being a really strange tension, with the sudden die down in chatter and the majestic creature pulling a blanket over her head and coming to grips with her new found profession. She couldn’t walk off cam and face her handlers in defeat, and yet she must of felt a deep sense of shame and humiliation throughout the ordeal. All this and only from the free preview chat! Those were the days..

Check out a gallery from Ivanafukalot.com and see what it’s all about.

Above: Kerry Condon

Anyhow, by the time this movie apparently ended, I was making my fifth, no less, beer-piss trip to the washrooms, but by the chatter of the exiting moviegoers I realized that most people actually enjoyed this film!

Well, whatever. I got what I wanted.. this fucking blog post!

Kerry Condon is set to appear on HBO’s new drama, Rome. With any luck she’ll be cast as Caligula’s sister. Or some savage street whore. To fill in the wait, here’s some Kerry Condon screen caps I found from the movie Unleashed, and a saucy video clip as well.

This story plays out like some modern day Marco Polo shit.

Rosa Kato’s dad came to the land of bukkake, rope bondage and hentai on strict business, to represent his then fledgling Italian suitcase company. Like so many Europeans visiting the crowded island nation, he came down hard with a case of yellow-fever, the kind of ailment that results in visiting as many love hotels, sex shops and geisha stables as humanly possible. Wandering through Tokyo’s Kabukicho district, a haven for Japan’s seedy underworld, Rosa’s dad happened across a young geisha willing to try some Italian. Nine months later Rosa Kato was born into the world.

Disallowed from practicing geisha because of her bi-racial status, Rosa was denied her rightful inheritance of a lifetime serving sushi dick, wearing a school girl’s outfit well beyond the age of a school girl, or getting happy-slapped while hung upside-down with 2” thick bondage rope— at least within one of Japan’s covenanted house-of-fucks. Rumor has it she once participated in a 20-man bukkake, off set of NHK’s weekly foreign language TV show, which she used to co-host. But I’m not one to pass on, exaggerate, or promote such baseless, vile hearsay ;)

Rosa Kato’s reign as the Japanese ad-queen has seen her face appear in all forms of media. She currently wishes to enter the movie market in a lead role, but this stunning Italian-Japanese beauty lacks any real acting talent and has mostly appeared, thus far, in TV commercials, mindless game-shows and celebrity guest appearance events for..uhh, celebrities to celebrate their existence. Japanese model Rosa Sato is a real cutie, but apparently she also has a decent voice. She was recently signed by Sony Records and has already put out an album. I’ll cut her some slack today and end this post with a sweet video and some links.

Above: Unnamed crazy tan queen

There’s nothing quite so elegant as accelerating your skin’s age by a couple of decades, while still young in your teens. I guess it compliments the meth habit. One day this girl will be sitting on the boulevard and a pug will walk up and piss on her face. The owner will be like shit, looks like I’m not the only one who mistook you for a fire hydrant. She’ll then be like, yea it happens all the time, then the dude will be thinking, the fire hydrant or the piss in the face?

I guess if you spent every free hour getting blasted by UV lights, you’d probably start to think that everything in this world looks too white and pasty. These chics just can’t see themselves dark enough to call it quits. I’m sure some kind of gene therapy in the future will allow us to tweak our skin pigmentation, or prevent blatant retardedness. Until then, this human-waffle biz seems to be in full demand. Check out these silly bitches:

In today’s news a homebound train packed full of blind orphans barreled off of a cliff– blah blah who gives a shit, dude, check out the reporter’s giant rack!!

Sometime during the 90’s when cable TV introduced waaay too many sources for getting your daily news fix, stations started ditching their Quaker Oats, grandpa-look-a-like anchormen and replaced them with young, barely literate beauty queens. I mean, who really gives a shit anyways about war, natural disasters, or how some little bitch in China can’t do his Falun Gong. That shit’s worse than devil worshipping. What could be more informative than a low cut blouse, two slutty eyes, and a sexy voice flawlessly breaking news about mass dysentery in Bangladesh!? Sure, CNN’s face of news is looking sweeter than ever, but what’s seen abroad is so fucking hot it can barely even be compared.

Melissa Theuriau brings the evening news, like an upscale Paris call-girl, to millions of lucky French men. I can just imagine the all too common, husband-to-wife scenario each night before the broadcast: “soooo I need to watch the news in private again, it’s.. quite emotional for me.. yea I’ll be needing all that tissue paper.”

Get ready to Windex the plasma!

But back to our corner of the world, where we definitely have more hotties working in broadcast than ever before. One sexy gal that comes to mind is Maria Bartiromo, the sexy Italian-American Wall Street reporter. She kind of epitomizes the whole bold woman in a sea of tube steaks image; a tactic used by the network to retain viewers based solely on her sex appeal. Being labeled the Money Honey, even by her own people, her slutty image caused ratings to rocket during the late 90’s on her MSNBC financial news show. No doubt, Maria is a mega cutie and apparently one smart cookie. She also has one of those wide, saucer mouths with poutty lips and an arched nose, just perfect for.. errm, reporting the news.

I did my best to round up some hotty fizzle televizzle biatches below, so check em out.

Above: Dreamy Danica

So just how did he recruit the adorable Dreamy Danica? Fraggy divulges the art of the kill for our Rapid Teens readers: He was in Burger King when he caught sight of the petite brunette wrapping his Whopper. Knowing a true talent when he sees one, Fraggy motioned for her to approach the counter. Remaining completely expressionless with eyes firmly fixed on her large Spanish eyes he slipped her his business card and said the five words every Mex-latina loves to hear, “I love that dumpy ass,” and walked straight out with his meal.

As Fraggy explains, the blunt form of delivery produces a shock and awe effect that lingers in the girl’s mind for the rest of the day. This kind of spontaneous flattery is irresistible to most girls. Also, his prompt departure eliminates any chance for her to ask any follow up questions, thus increasing her curiosity in the offer written on the card. Fraggy insists that location is also critical. The fact that she was working for a fast food joint implies that she’s desperate for money, and will probably work for much less than an established model. Such business sense!

Above: Dreamy Danica

Was it just me, or did 2004 suckass for Hollywood films? Aside from the hilarious Team America and the sensational Napoleon Dynamite, two films which seem to be more hated and misunderstood than appreciated, there wasn’t a whole lot to get excited about. Movies such as Ray, The Aviator, and The Aquatic Life completely failed to get me fired up. Then the other day I ran across the film Closer, an adaptation of the much heralded play by the same name. I’d like to note that I wouldn’t call this blog post a movie review, per say, more like some passive remarks for a film that I watched while stoned out of my lid.

The flick stars Clive Owen, Natalie Portman, Julia Roberts and Jude Law in a story about lying, cheating and fucking. It’s no wonder that lots of people don’t like or didn’t go to see this film; it’s a rough, contemporary look at realistic relationships involving: fucking around, getting caught, revenge-fucking, and living dirty with shit loads of guilt. Surely this is not your ideal date movie!

So what’s there to like about this gritty drama? Well for once, Julia Roberts shuts her gigantic mouth long enough to let the other stars get some acting in. Clive Owen and Jude Law are perverted, cunning, and superb, while Natalie Portman looks absolutely gorgeous. Time has clearly not hurt her at all; which inevitably brings me to the sweet nugget of the film: Natalie Portman’s amazing ass.

There’s a scene or two in the movie where Natalie’s busy stripping at an upscale nightclub. Wearing nothing more than a thong and skimpy top, you get more than just a glimpse of her flawless goods. Although there’s no actual nudity, I’ve never seen her so exposed, for so long. She might be a notch below in talent from her seasoned costars, but for taking on that raunchy strip scene I’m sure she became the envy of the entire cast and crew!

I can’t wait to watch this film again, sober. Check out the gallery of nasties below.

Above: Laura of Nubiles

It’s that innocent, gangly, neighbor’s daughter look that find nut-busting nostalgic! I used to live on a cul de sac packed full of these bitches. They were all daddy’s-little-girl princesses with, I’m guessing, a closet stuffed with My Little Pony and Cabbage Patch dolls. It’s funny because as soon as you see their father, wife beater, beer gut, pushing the mower and swearing at the wife, you quickly start thinking fantasy instead of approachable. And yet before you become a man, one that would hand ole’ Pops his hairy ass if he ever laid a hand on you for taking his girl, the genetic time bomb explodes in her ass, hips and thighs! At barely 19, little princess ain’t so little anymore. Damnit!

Thank God this isn’t the case for Laura. The hue of youth still lingers on her tight ass cheeks. Let’s hope she’s still got a few years left in her.